Combating Fear

It’s funny to think that a 3 year old horse has brought me so far in my quest to gain my confidence back, but that’s what is happening.  I have been feeling very confident on Buddy, I even loped him the other evening!  We have lots of work to do but knowing that he won’t buck me off or be stupid is a great feeling!

Back in May Louie and I had a really bad ride.  I let fear overcome me and I hadn’t been on him since, except for one ride quickly in the driveway a couple weeks ago when I thought someone was coming to look at him – I wanted to see how he’d behave before I made firm plans.  You can read about that horrible ride – HERE.

I’ve joked with Zephyrs mom several times about her taking him on.  He would be a WONDERFUL endurance mount for her as a back up for now and later when Zephyr is retired as well.  It’s just not in the cards right now for them though and I totally understand that!  She and I had a conversation today about him that left me longing to get on him and just give it a try and for some reason, I was feeling very brave!

I went out and got him from the pasture and brushed him.  He is an overly sensitive horse and really hated being brushed when he first got here.  He really seemed to enjoy it today so that boosted my confidence, it’s the small things that keep me going.  I decided to just “bite the bullet” and get him saddled and see where that took us – I put the pad on his back and he didn’t so much as flinch.  Wahoo!  I grabbed the saddle and just “tossed” it up there.  He really didn’t care…ok, at this point I’m thinking….”who are you and what have you done with the real Louie?” 

After he was all saddled, and he didn’t try to bite me while I tightened the girth I was REALLY feeling good about this adventure!  I walked him over to the horse trailer where I’d left Buddies bridle – he has his own but when I swore I’d never get on him again I packed all of his stuff away.  I bridled him with zero issues, tightened the girth and then walked him over to my tack trunk and climbed up on it.  Figuring here we go, now he’s going to be a dork.  Nope.  He stood stock still and I climbed on on his RIGHT side no less!!

Once I was up there my heart started beating a little faster, but it wasn’t anything too bad.  I started him down the driveway, my plan was to take him up to ride in Dad’s field while the boys swam in the pool.  He started to get a little freaky about something in/near the tall grass….he started his snorting, head tossing and backing up but I just held my legs on him and talked to him and we got past it.  He was his normal snorty self up across the lawn and up the driveway but I just kept chattering away – I’m not sure if that actually helps the horses but it sure helps ME!!

When we got up near the pool, he started to spaz about the kids in the pool.  I had them stop splashing and just stand in the pool where he could see them for a minute thinking that he’d chill out – I was wrong.  He was getting himself pretty wound up so we took another route to the field.  He’d still have to deal with the pool but it put me in a better situation where there were less obstacles to run into. 

We went down around the lilacs and up past the garden.  Dads cows came running – they hear my voice and think I’m going to feed them….silly things I took care of them ONE weekend 2 months ago and they still think I’m the food lady!  Anyway, he was totally engrossed in the cows for some reason – I really don’t understand it, we have a cow at home.  I got him out in the field and again asked the kids to stand still just so he could get a good look at them – he was standing nicely so I had them go ahead and splash and carry on – he got a little spooked by that but nothing that terrified me. 

We started making laps and he was being VERY forward and a bit spooky but I just kept remembering to BREATHE and after a couple of laps he was walking very nicely.  We went both directions and made some circles, serpentines and figure eights – all at a walk but hey, it’s something right? 

The kids got out of the pool and took off for home…..which caused an issue.  I yelled to them wanting to know where they’d gone (aka you’re not drowning right), E yelled back, Lucy started whinnying and that was it.  Louie started his sitting on his haunches, backing up, going side ways, throwing his head and just being a dork.  I handled it ok, even got him to walk in a circle calmly and then decided to get down.  Only he was NOT going to stand still for me.  I was preparing myself to bail off – I didn’t want to, I knew that it would be letting him win but I was starting to panic.  All of a sudden I just took a deep breath, told him very firmly to WHOA and when he stood still for more then 1/2 a second, I praised him and got down.  We walked around in a circle to make sure that he wasn’t going to be a “space invader” and be a pushy jerk, which he didn’t/wasn’t so we started towards home. 

He walked very calmly next to me without pushing me or walking on me – that is something special for him!  I took him into the barn unsaddled him and brushed him.  Again he didn’t protest and I felt myself breathe a huge sigh of relief. 

I put him in Buddy’s stall (the goats are in his stall since he’s been out 24/7 all summer) and gave him a snack.  I am trying to get his legs to dry out, he’s got scratches from all the rain/mud and I had rinsed his legs off and wanted to put some medicine on them but I KNEW that would be a fight so I figured we’d end that session on a good note and I’d tackle the legs a little later. 

I’m very happy with how it went with him and hope to try again tomorrow.  I do think that he and I need to go back to basics and get some solid “arena miles” before we go out on a trail again.  Just to make sure we have the basics/necessities covered – and to boost my confidence some more. 

Of course, I applied to UCB for this fall for their vet tech program so between the kids school, my school and Buddy I’m not sure how much time I’m going to have for this but I think it’s what I want to take on.  I think I need to stick this one out – at least a while longer.  I definitely have gotten into the habit of throwing in the towel at the first sign of trouble!!

On another note – I am temporarily using my old PC and I’ve found a BUNCH of my old pictures – including ones of Buck and Star.  I feel a trip down memory lane coming on :)  I also have an interesting idea for a picture blog……